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Title: Human Game
Written By: Nathan Waire
Summary:
Morgan, a physic, tries to help detectives solve their unsolved cold cases.
Notes:
Human Game tells the story of Morgan, a physic, who offers her services to Detective Shan and his team to assist in solving their unsolved cold cases. The story has an extremely interesting plo and will certainly be new to audiences as the plot is unique and fresh. To add, the characters in this story are all developed well and have great in depth traits that really make them stand out and will certainly attract audiences to them. Moreover, the character’s background stories are well written and bring great complexity to the story as a whole such as Carol and the struggles she faces. These are all great traits for a screenplay and are just a few examples of the strength this story has.
One issue with this script is the improper formatting of sluglines. A proper scene heading starts with INT./EXT. which indicates whether the scene takes place inside or outside. Next, is the actual location of the scene- wherever it may be. Lastly, the time of day should be indicated.
However, in this screenplay the use of slug lines are often incomplete which makes for a confusing read. For case in point, on page 1 the scene headings aren’t fully written but instead show that the scene is taking place at a delivery room. It is necessary to go back and edit all scenes that are missing a time of day from the slugline.
Another issue with this script is the fact that the scene headings aren’t always labeled correctly where they should be. In a screenplay, it is mandatory to indicate when you switch scenes to ensure that the readers are aware of the different scene changes. For case in point, on page 5, Carol and Jim enter the kitchen, however, this is not indicated properly with a new slugline. It is imperative to write the full scene headings for each location that is written in the script in an effort to ensure the script is following proper screenplay format, thus it is necessary to go back and edit that scene to ensure every location is labeled properly.
Lastly, another formatting issue with this script comes about on page 7 with the lack of indication that the script has gone back in time. On page 7 we flashback to a closeup on Morgan, however, it needs to be indicated that we have gone back in time. Using proper screenplay format, the script should say BEGIN FLASHBACK in order to inform the audience that we are
now leaving the present and entering the past. Moreover, there should be a new scene heading to inform the audience of where the characters are in that moment. Lastly, when you are ready to return to the present there should be an END FLASHBACK to indicate that we are in the present. It is necessary to edit the script and be sure to use proper screenplay formatting.
Other Formatting Issues:
Minor characters should be capitalized. (i.e. AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN- page 1) This issue occurs numerous times throughout the script.
Sounds should be capitalized. (i.e. SCREAMING- page 1) This issue occurs numerous times throughout the script.
Use ‘BabyGirl’ and “Gigi’ in the dialogue stanzas on page 2.
There should be no background information in the action paragraphs. (i.e. Detective Shan is
confused because he has never seen this girl before in his life- page 9).
In conclusion, this script was extremely compelling and told an unique and interesting story that audience’s would be excited to see. Moreover, the first ten pages really did an outstanding job at establishing the tone of the overall story. Furthermore, introducing the main characters and the plot that we will follow throughout the film is a sure way to grab the audience’s attention and keep them engaged. Although the script still has some issues, specifically regarding proper formatting, once this is reworked it will make for an even stronger story!
Happy Writing!
