Thursday, April 03, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
You are a athletic female who barely escaped your first encounter with this giant space man-dragon just to find out it is just one of these things in this really big space hive/colony. Big business and the military are travelling with you this time yet everyone is having a hard time staying alive except a little girl who hides in small places and has an affection Barbie who is missing a few parts. After some technical difficulties you Jetson back home without that extra cargo in the vacuum hatch and the extra visitors. Without hesitation you relax saying calmly "Get your hands off her you bitch" as your mantra.
Playing both sides is easy in a town with one gun... Fortunately, you are the quickest and most skilled swordsman and the guy with the gun is a little cocky.
Last Man Standing
Playing both sides is difficult in a town where everyone has a gun... Fortunately, they are so unskilled that their Tommy guns become pea shooters in comparison to you proficiency at killing.
Your dad's a writer, you mom is a screamer, you are psychic, and so is your finger. There is an ax at the hotel you are staying at and red rum. Not being creative and bored can be murder when the winter comes. I think that was the first time Scatman got the ax, man.
2001: A Space Odyssey
A domino. A thigh bone. A spaceship. A computer. An acid trip. A baby. (I purposely left that hairy kid holding the thigh bone out. Too, planet of the apes can I get a drum roll or at least a hard roll with my pork.)
So you think you've earned some horns because of some bad stuff you did and some bad places you have been. Yet, you weigh heavy in the hands of those who don't like you because they are not your equal. So for all that brimstone and lack of redemption you feel about your past you actually have a halo and a pair of wings. Excellent end to a bogus adventure to the point of no return...
La Femme Nikita
You are a punk girl. You become a government assassin. After a short while the fire is lit for a change of pace. I guess being dragged from one mess to another has given you an appetite for a different type of French cuisine.
Devil In A Blue Dress
So you are a black girl who looks white in the early part of the 20th century. You are dating the highest ranking politician in the area and doing extra curricular activities with his criminal cohorts. A new detective who just so happens to look Black has discovered your secret. Okay, you may have a problem.
OK. This long live royal guy is having a problem finding a good mate so he is killing any potential problem that he knows will be in the way. In the end, there can be only one and he is finally ahead of the game.
Ghost Dog: Way of The Samurai
You are a black dude who thinks he is a samurai and you exist in modern times. Your lord and master is a drug kingpin who is using your confusion to eliminate the other kingpins because basically you are a hit man. Before you take another order... you should go see a therapist. Doctors orders... (Not!!! That movie was pretty good.)
Dumb And Dumber
All the critics hated Dumb and Dumber then when it became a box-office hit they hailed it as a success... Man, it is called a road trip flick. Those hardly never fail (I was suppose to say how Dumb and stupid can you be?).
Sunday, March 30, 2014
You are a woman and a cloaking android in the military being high maintenance becomes more dangerous when you realize you aren't the most unique. So after some conflict you are forced to make some Major changes to get a head and shoulders view of the future.
Two full mane lions delay apartheid the only way they know how... Mealtime!! Yet for some reason no one told them not to play with their food.
Before L.G.B.T., suffrage, & E.R.A. clothing was an issue.
So you're a loser, live in Milwaukee, WI and are really into music. N8's World, huh!?! Except I don't have a rock band and my best friend isn't a Republican wearing a blonde wig.
So your enemy is your father, your sister is your girlfriend, your best friend who is a criminal has a dog that is also a grease monkey. Good thing your appliances can talk back to you or things might be a little strange.
CROM... I know you do not care if we were good men or bad... However, I am a big man and I have a big sword that I am going to use to carve my way to The Terminator and then to the gobenator!!! Hide your daughters I have a libido problem and if you do not care the hell with you!!!
This little piggy went to market. This little piggy went home. No offense to real cops yet lets face it Bruce Willis is going to play a piggy who gets blown up and shot at alot in this franchise and he did it without a good pair of shoes.
Even after a 3 hour tragic love/martial arts film suicide is not the answer. Just take a hold of your destiny make it golden and chop through your problems then ain't no mountain high enough; ain't no valley low enough to keep Ziyi from dying in this film, babe!
It was called Brazil and filmed in the 70s with a man in a suit and he had a pair of wings. By the way, he got lobotomized, too.
Half man, half vampire like a martial arts; leather clad Shaft for the hip-hop crowd. How could they let the writer screw up both sequels yet masterfully write/direct the TV series???
When an assassin marries another man leave her alone it doesn't matter that you stole a role meant for a real martial arts master back in the 70s.
Spielberg must be taking good history notes. A T-rex real enough to create a new audio system and a pair of raptors straight out South African pre-apartheid newspapers. For more info see the rest of my blog. Oh yeah, there some special effects stuff... I mean those were dinosaurs in a genetic theme park on an island owned by a demented billionaire just off the coastline of some fake city. He must be like the evil tropical version of Santa Claus creating a toy franchise for Spielberg that can only be rivalled by (pause) wait that ain't so bad!!
The series supposedly ends with a marriage. Well (come on now) did you really think I was going to explain the whole thing?
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Cartoon Flaws part 2: Those Darn Cats (And No I Am Not Talking About That Movie)
BTW - THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR KIDS.
Pink Panther vs. Snaggle Puss
Why are you pink? Aren't you both boys??? Maybe your clothes were dyed in the wash? I have that same problem all the time. I don't even mix my white clothes with my colored clothes yet whenever I wash laundry in my mom's basement there is a color mishap.
However, the cats...
The Pink Panther is silent, resilient, athletic, and brilliant. Apparently, in the movies has a passion for diamonds. Yet, that detective in those movies using his name seems not only clumsy and confused but also despite his bad French accent highly dangerous to those around him. And his Katoesque servant... cooks, cleans, a martial artists who is rather quick yet not fast enough to best the detective. Maybe the detective has a very, very, very good luck like in those RPG video games. The more they do; the luckier they become. Attacking this person is in itself a mistake. Sometimes there isn't even a need to respond. You attack the panther/detective and eventually destroy yourself. The panther/detective may not even notice.
Which brings me to Snaggle Puss. You're straight, right? I mean your sidekick and sometimes servant is a mouse... Ut-Oh! There were all those stories about Richard Gere and he is straight, right? I mean that leading man got to mess around with a (pretty) woman. There is nothing wrong with sexuality choices just that name... So you have a tooth missing, wear a fancy hat and vest, and you're a pink cat... OK... The name is appropriate!!! Just, dude... Dude!!!
Maybe a different color???
Which brings me to The Thundercats!!! Everybody scream HOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Lion-O and the Thundercats are on point! If you are going to wear a pastel color and be a cat why not light blue? Kind of sets off your red hair (mane) and orange skin. Every girl I met in high school and college always loved The Thundercats. Maybe that Eye of Thundarra sword had something to do with it? He shouting and it is growing as he gyrates back and forth... Has anyone seen that other king I think his name was Elvis?!?! I didn't he have some blue suede shoes? I know one of his stamps has him in a light blue jacket. Not to mention that The Thundercats had a tiger who knew how to use a whip (skipping that!! This is not that type of blog.), a panther who by the way was a masculine color and the brother was the cats martial arts expert, a pair of (wonder) twins who got into way too much trouble, a rather fast and furious female named Cheetara (I think she was named after a cheetah and for all her seriousness she was a HOT blond in all the episodes!!!!!!), and damn you, Snarf! Giving household workers, pets, and characters with speech impediments a bad name. He always said his name before and after any sentence he was saying. "Snarf! (Put silly phrase here) Snarf!!" It could have been cultural or maybe he was being egotistical? Some people like and need to hear their name. Usually, you like to hear it out of others peoples mouth but maybe he was a do-it-yourself(er). Didn't he have on a wedding ring and a family back home? Know wonder so many husband take trips with the boys to get away from their other half yet without the extra help they may have to become do-it-yourself(ers) not unless they like being with those boys more than they are saying?
Well, despite the plethora of slang terminology for cats and my particular outlook on their variations in media from the cinema to the small screen one thing is certain be cautious of your color scheme. Pink seems to be an antiquated yet growing trend yet I can't stop think about Cheetara... Wait a second, she is golden and knows how to a pole (that retracks and grows at her touch)... HELLO!!!
Monday, March 24, 2014
The Ghost is Fantastic;
The Darkness is Awesome.